Travelogue Canada 4: Wales

WALES

30 October 2009

Arriving in London from my jaunt in Niagara Falls,  I got through the Heathrow experience and to Kings Cross without incident. I was met at Burger King (Rodeo King deal – cheese and bacon burger with onion rings) by RoRo. SO much better a brekkie than the banana muffin that Air Canada thought would suffice!

Then it was off to Barry’s office to dump (ever-increasingly heavy) luggage. Newly liberated, me and RoRo headed to find Faye HQ – Guardian London. Conveniently close + bud with useful gameplan = Camden!

Was heaving! And had changed so much since I was there last (worked out it was 1992 – believe it. Or not) but all for the good – lots of atmosphere and oozing with the under-promise of over-delivering good times! ;o)

First pint in days…

…and then second…

…and then faye arrived.

*giggles, chatter, hysteria, nostalia, giggles, snickersnort, wittybanterwittybanter, giggle, PHOTO!*

Off to next pub. Barry got off work early, but had the dreaded lurgy so it was a tea for him 🙁

We needed to head back towards the office to outrun London peak traffic to collect (dreadedstartingtohatethecommitment) luggage. Traversed the city effortlessly to deposit selves at Ruby’s. So very the first people there. Was a bit ‘eurotrip’ as the next 2 hours disappeared on fast forward and people filled every conceivable space around us.

Then it was off to Kings Cross and Paddington to get on the train to Wales (picking up BK en route, Bacon Caesar Angus burgers of cheese, bacon, onion straws and Caesar sauce + spicy jalapenos and chewy cheese encased in a crunchy batter).

The train was heaving. We got really lucky finding a table for 2 in First Class (and no conductor so not having to pay upgrade!) seeing as there were people IN FIRST CLASS who stood 2/3 of the 3 hours journey! Passed the time with ‘Spite and Malice’ (our favourite card game). Was 5-1 down at one point, but we ‘agreed’ to call it quits when clambered back to 5-5 position.

Quick power-snooze… and we were there. Swansea.

Interesting locals. Very slapperish uberhighheelpelmetskirts types. Waited for John (Moir) and headed for ‘home’. Couldn’t see much seeing as it was about midnight, but happy to get to <the unpronounceable=”” town=””> and the lovely warm home where we could start our Wicked Weekend in Wales adventure :o)

Did the usual slumber-party, catch-up stuff and then had the greatest night’s sleep in as long as I can remember (YAY). To wake up on Halloween…

SATURDAY

The day started as every day should – was woken with a “don’t ask questions, just follow me” (Barry)… and was led to the kitchen where a full fry-up was waiting! Even though it was a heart-stoppingly early 09h30 (which is super-early considering sleep depro the night before and that night’s extended slumber party antics with me and JM giggling like schoolgirls til 3 in the morning) was still an XL YAY! :o)

All fuelled and ready for action, we headed off to town to do the last minute shopping for Halloween, namely costume accessories, pumpkins and a few odds and sods for our dinner feast. Mission accomplished, we retired to McD’s for a hearty lunch of a Big Tasty With Bacon (100% Beef patty, streaky bacon, a slice of cheese made from Emmental, onion, juicy tomato, crisp lettuce and Big Tasty sauce – which is sort of like a smoked version of the sauce on the Big Mac – in a sesame seed bun) with POTATO WEDGES with sour cream and chive dip! Total awesomeness! McFlurry’s for pudding – with Cadbury’s Dairy Milk Caramels oooo!

Spent the afternoon around the kitchen table, laughing, giggling, catching up, dying hair, making jack-o-lanterns, decorating the house (with orange spray paint and stencils, plastic bats, fake cobwebs and plastic tombstones) and generally having a grand old time.

Was the usual rush to get ready, even though we’d had the whole afternoon to do it. It was all a hubbub of getting costumes on (me Morticia, Emm Vampira, Barry a Vampire, John the Templar Knight), applying facepaint for each other, smearing eyeshadow all over the show and (the other 3) putting in wicked costume contact lenses. We were supposed to be out at 5, we eventually left about 5.40. Oops.

So, we get to the party the better part of an hour late. And we’re the only grown-ups in costume!! The guy Emm works with that had invited us to the party had told Emm everyone dresses up, omitting that he meant all the CHILDREN dress up! We felt a bit arse… but was all part of the fun in the end (and the party came to a rather abrupt end about 20 minutes later when, after a short fire-dancing and fireworks display, everyone just packed up and left). The never-say-die people we are, we just adjourned to the pub (The Greyhound, B&E’s local).

2 pints and 2 tequilas down – having been treated to a class joke (John was in a Knight’s Templar outfit, so one of the locals saw the Maltese Cross insignia emblazoned on the cape and said “how do you make a maltese cross? poke him”. It was funnier when john caught it about 10 minutes later than it was when the local told it though! teehee), watched the kids breakdance, done a modelling shoot in the bathroom using the hand-drier for effect – we headed for home to get us fed and Griff to bed.

Sumptuous dinner of steak tartare and raw salmon (let me hear you say ‘es ki mo’ – see previous travelogue), nachos and sour cream – all washed down with delightful red and to the dulcet beat Shnee Wurt Schnit Shnee Wizey Wize (yes THE SWSSWW that B had been looking for for over half a lifetime!! … which Emm also loved in the day… and which I never would have guessed was the song it turned out to be, which I recognise but would never have fitted Barry’s fantasy lyrics to!) – and it was bedtime for B&E and back to the pub for J and me.

By the time we got back (about 10 maybe), the pub was more festive and there were at least a few more people in costume. One such being an ‘attractive blonde girl’ that John spotted across the bar and thought had potential, what with her lithe frame and shortshort hotpants… until we got closer and saw the Adam’s apple and hairy legs through ‘her’ stockings. We’re still not convinced it was a Halloween costume. There were also a fair number of slapper type chicks that I could have sworn were fancy-dressed as pumpkins, but I’m told the tanning salon craze has hit here in a big way. It’s crazy, they’re all orange. Orangeorange. Like nowhere near natural tan colour. And not – soso very not – attractive.

We made quite an impression on the barman seeing as we ordered tequilas with every round, which is a rarity in these parts apparently. He started pouring us half tots since their standard tot glasses are doubles, until John goaded him into giving us full tot glasses (still at singles prices). Eventually the poor man was just pouring for us freehand into halfpint glasses… and having one himself! Funfunfun.

We calculated 8 pints (and who knows how much tequila seeing as there was no standard measure), which would explain why the details of the walk home (yes, I said WALK home) are a little blurry. We must, however, have decided quite spur of the moment to leave for home seeing as we both brought our glasses home and there was still a considerable amount in them in the morning. Hmmm…

SUNDAY

In the morning B&E had to mission in to town as there had been a little mishap with Griff spilling water on the TV, killing it dead. while they went to get a new one, me and John walked (yes, there’s that word again) to the corner store (called the Red Shop by Emm, have yet to ask why) where I found some of life’s simple pleasures and some great mysteries:
– Pringles cheese and onion
– Aero instant hot chocolate sachets
– thick slice bread
– mince with onions and gravy in a can
– All Day Breakfast in a can: sausage, bacon, egg nuggets (intriguing), beans in tomato sauce, cereal (WTF?!) and chopped pork (if it’s not sausage or bacon then what is it?!)

Humour restored, I dutifully watched John make omelettes (well sort of, was tres busy with uploading pics from the previous night) with cheese, ham, onion and bacon. genius, pure genius!

Spent the rest of the day much like the day before, just enjoying the pleasure of each others’ company. We had some really classic moments too. Like when John was making comment about my growing mound of clothing starting to impede access to our room and said that we could never live together, expressing very matter-of-factly, with much gusto that he ‘really likes an anal cleaner’. Of course, I had no choice but to reply with ‘why? does your anus get THAT dirty?’ … the whole episode cuing all sorts of offers from Barry for his plunger to sort out Emma’s plumbing in the tradesman’s entrance etc etc etc. Hearty guffaws all round and we’ve replayed the joke every which way all day and it’s still as funny as the first time. We’ve had a very non-PC day, but sososo much fun!

Tried to get some salt marsh Lamb on the way to drop John off at the station, but alas we were too late and the shop had shut. Sad to see John off, but not too terrible as he was due home for a visit in a few weeks so it was a literal ‘bye for now’.

Back to the kitchen table, Hobgoblins for me, a bottle of red for Emm, superlative company for Barry, a wheel of Camembert with water biscuits (which are completely tasteless but I’m told take more calories to chew than the calories you take in by eating them), ham sarmies (with real butter and mayo) and more chatchatchatlaughlaughlaugh (and some teeter-tottering around in Emm’s oh-so-beautiful-but-the-most-ridiculously-uncomfortable-shoes-EVER-made super-too-high-and-then-some emerald green sequined heels).

Am loving these peeps and every minute here!! :o)

MONDAY

I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the bustling metropolis of Llanrhidian. B&E (and mom and Griffin) were in a house literally right next door to the school, so it was super-convenient and meant the mornings were quite a relaxed affair seeing as school only starts at 09h00 and it’s a 25 second walk.

We went past their new house as well. It’s in a (yes, hard to believe) SMALLER village than this one, called Landimore. There are no road names (not a biggie since there are essentially only 2 roads) so the houses don’t have numbers they have names. B&E’s new house is called The Cottage. If you ever want to rediscover the lost art of letter-writing then you can reach them on:
The Cottage
Landimore
Wales
SA31HD

Easypeasy just like that. :o)

We’d set off on a mission to go and secure some salt marsh lamb for SCM and to take to the Londoners, but the people at Weobly Castle felt it wasn’t a work day so there was nobody there, nor answering to the numbers posted on the door. Never fear though, this is sheep territory so we just got details for a butcher in the neighbouring town and set out on a mission to find said demigod. We bought the most spankable 2kg rolled SML londres, cubes for the lamb stew for SCM and some delightful sirloin as a bonus round.

Then we decided to drive into the country (about 7.5 minutes in any direction) for lunch at The King Arthur, so named because it’s right by Arthur’s Stone, which legend says started off as a pebble in King Arthur’s boot that was irritating him and as he was such a great man, he pulled off his boot while riding to shake loose the stone. The stone rolled down the hill and became a massive boulder. Which is now perched all alone atop a little hill (he was THAT great that the stone rolled uphill, nogal) and makes a good landmark on the horizon, if not a very ‘I have a vivid imagination I’m not afraid to use’ story. (And a great place to get engaged – this was the spot that B&E did ring swap and the official official thing).

The pub is a super-traditional one that must have been operating forever and a day, with all the usual pub fare you’d expect (like steak and mushroom pies with mega puff pastry caps) and some unusuals (for me). We shared the chicken wrapped in bacon with cheese and leek sauce and mash and a wild boar steak with cider and apple sauce and homebrew chips. YUM. All washed down with usual pint of Carling. I cpuld see why this was often said to be one of the Top 10 pubs in Britain.

All fed, cooking done and housework down (am definitely bringing Martha next time) we set about to practice our sloth. Had to rest up for the Wig Party! Emm had bought us wigs for our Halloween costumes, but typically, they arrived 2 days too late…. so we used them for a global Outies SCM theme dinner instead. Was very weird having a Skype webcam conv with the 3 of us here and the usual suspects at my house over there. It also seemed a trifle unsettling for Mick and Mal who didn’t seem to understand where my voice was coming from. Was marvy to catchup with everyone again tho. Methinks this might have to be a regular calendar event! The lamb stew was great tho, served with garlic bruscetta with melted feta.

Emm’s mom also got back from Costa Rica the day before so there was much joviality (not at all because of the champagne, red wine, beers and jagermeister) and some exotic dancing in the kitchen. We were clearly not as merry as the other night tho seeing as we weren’t even tempted to try walking in Emm’s ohsoprettybutnevergonnawearthem green sequined heels. We did find other uses for them tho – you know hat, earrings, guns, the usual…

TUESDAY

We were off to catch the train to london – for a (bound to be) merry reunion with Faye, Lix and RoRoRo (I gave him my middle name so he gets a bonus ‘Ro’. I’m not taking ‘Birkmyre’ tho!)